Boredom, Stillness, and Solitude

The sky was clearer than it had been in months. No cloud disrupted the sea of blue stretching out to the horizon. Tufts of snow still clung to the ground from a recent storm but the day was warming quickly and they would soon be gone. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity it was warm enough that I could take off my hat and gloves without incurring the wrath of winter’s pervasive chill.

I sat on my favorite rock, a moderately large boulder that is positioned nearly at the half-way point of my normal hike. It overlooked an old field that was rapidly being reforested. My family was occupied until noon so I had ventured out for a morning walk on the trail. As far as I could have dreamed it, this was an extravagant morning.

Yet

Yet, I felt the irrepressible urge to go home. Now, there was nothing pressing at home I needed to attend to. As I said, my family was out and would not return for a few hours. The cleaning could wait. I didn’t really have the urge to watch TV or play any games. In spite of all this, I still wanted to leave. Mind you, the place I was sitting was the exact place that I often dreamed of being. In the flurry of activity at work, this is where my mind wandered. There were few places that I idolized more. So why was I still longing to be doing something else?

This was not an isolated incident, far from it. I have found that my mind abhors a vacuum. Perhaps I am a product of my era but boredom is a word that creeps insidiously into my mind unnoticed. Even the things I desire most hold my attention for remarkably little time before the prospect of some new engagement is born. These traits are often associated with a particular generation or a particular stage of life but I believe that they are, in greater or lesser degrees, universal within the human condition. Surely advances in technology have exacerbated this trait but I believe it has always been there.  Blaise Pascal once wrote that “all men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” There are truths realized in solitude that we are often wont to flee from. So, to avoid such discomfort we flee to entertainments. It is not that these entertainments (books, television, physical activity, conversation) are negative but their use as a tranquilizer needs to be examined.

Be still, the Lord tells us.

Be still, and know that I am God.

We want to know the Lord but we buck at stillness. Stillness means inaction. Inaction means unproductive time. Even when we aren’t ‘producing’ anything we still crave to be productive, to be doing something. We flit from activity to activity, from thought to thought like the expeditious hummingbird whose physiology prevents it from idleness. Speaking for myself only, my mind is a hummingbird. It flits about seemingly unbidden, constantly in motion. Speed seems to be an attribute that haunts us. In conversation, we are thinking of the next thing we want to say. Even when we are not speaking, the speed at which our brains operate often cause us to make rushed or unexamined decisions. This in turn, creates anxiety. I find that I read too fast, not truly comprehending that depth of what I have just read. Similarly, I write too fast, often sacrificing wisdom for immediacy. Netflix and other streaming services have recognized and addressed this desire for immediacy and have begun straightaway playing the next episode once the previous has ended. Mind you, I’m not condemning these technologies as they are merely meeting the desires we already have.  To our detriment, we seem unable or unwilling to slow ourselves. Breakneck speed is our default setting.

In my own life I have tried several methods for stilling my mind. Depending on one’s circumstances however, different methods might be expedient. On a time management side, I schedule time to be outdoors in creation. This mitigates the amount of stimuli I am exposed to. In the course of work or while reading, I try to remember to take deliberate slow, deep breaths and often practice the Jesus Prayer (“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”) or use other verses that I have memorized. In this I try to imagine myself moving as if in slow motion, truly experiencing the events, objects, and people around me. Too often, as we fly about, we fail to notice (or remember) that the Lord is with His children wherever they go. The Holy Spirit speaks and leads us throughout the day. In our perpetually rushed state, we often miss this voice which seems to prefer the whisper to the whirlwind. By stilling ourselves and engaging with the Lord in prayer (by this I mean conscious awareness, not necessarily speaking words) we allow ourselves the opportunity to notice what the Lord is doing, to see the image of God in those with whom we are engaged, and perceive the course He desires that we take.

At the root of this all is solitude. We are not inclined to solitude. For the most part we are afraid of it. So we fill our experience with people, entertainments, and even thoughts that shield us from facing it. “Solitude is one of the deepest disciplines of the spiritual life,” writes Richard Foster, “because it crucifies our need for importance and prominence. Everyone--- including ourselves at first--- will see our solitude as a waste of a good time.” It is difficult but many difficult things are just the things that we need the most (I find this true most of the time in my life). Henri Nouwen, speaking of the benefits of solitude writes, “Once we have committed ourselves to spending time in solitude, we develop attentiveness to God’s voice in us.”

Unless we cultivate the disciplines of stillness and solitude, even our greatest desires will fail to fulfill us, even the grandest experiences will fail to inspire awe. Unless we develop the muscle of solitude through discipline we will fail to fully experience the ways that the Spirit speaks to us. When we allow ourselves (or force ourselves) to slow our activities and thoughts, we can begin to realize that the joy of the believer is knowing and being known by the Lord at all times. Any other aims we have within the spiritual life pale compared to the fullness and joy of knowing the Lord and experiencing His presence. If we seek it, we can experience this at any time, at work, at play, in routine, in chores, even, in pain. If only we could still.