World's Worst Monday

“Good morning Sleeper, lift your head

Far too long have you spent in bed.

The Earth you knew before has past.

We arrive at Zyrgon at last!

Through the dark void of space you flew

Though deep you slept and never knew.

200 years in hypersleep

While vast computers whirled and beeped.

Oh, there’s one thing I should have said,

All your acquaintances are dead,

So long ago in nursing homes

While up above the stars you roamed.

Was that a tear? No time for that.

Your new life dawns in central Blatt

Which is, of course, on the north plain

Where suns shine and it never rains.

But have no fear of such extremes

Of sunset pools or gilded streams

In this cubicle you’ll reside

While braver fools will stray outside

Exploring the vast alien expanse

Where fortune calls and natives dance.

No, you, lucky lad, will keep the books

From this wonderful (windowless) nook.

A noble call, such as it is

To traverse cross the stars for this;

To forgo hopes of kith and kin.

Did I mention the walls are thin?

We hope that you’ll enjoy your term

In our newest accounting firm.

Your furrowed brow has made it clear,

You’re really going to love it here.

One last thing I should have spoken

I fear the coffee-machine has broken.”

Tahquamenon

Beyond Michigan’s sandy view

North of Huron’s emerald hue

Lie forests for interminable expanse

Where waters flow and spirits dance.

Nearer now to cold, rocky shores

And winds the voyageurs endured

Just south of taciturn Superior

A river calls to be explored.

So on a gilded afternoon

In July when babes and spirits viewed

A moment’s rest, my burdened soul

Sought our boots and reached for pole

And set foot to path and clambered on

Beside the sweet Tahquamenon.

The boisterous crowds soon gave way

To jarring call of crow and jay

Which seemed to echo mine own heart

Where anxiety seemed was sport.

Soon languid tufts of ruddy foam

Appeared as steps led far from home,

My heart, too, slowed and stilled

As those lapping waters spilled

At the feet of ancient spruce

Speaking of some forsaken truth.

While upon the land the earth held court

Each forest dweller taking part:

The chipmunk, ever bold and daring,

Dashing here and there, never caring

Upon whose path he dared to tread

Whether underfoot or overhead.

Fox snake curls in heat of day

Out to soak each sun-kissed ray

Basking in the nourishing warmth

Bringing liveliness to mind and form.

Redstart stark and ever flitting

To and fro, never sitting

Or wasting any precious hour

Beneath homely bough or bower.

Slowed, in time, my steps become

As I can opposing banks for some

Sight of the jovial otter

The precocious kin of nobler brothers

Til I alight upon a bench

Disturbing a formerly idling finch

And stare upon the tumbling waters

To seek the peace that patience fosters

Watching damsels flit where they please

And the gentle swaying of the trees.

Such beauty born of elegance

Of simplicity and gentleness

Free from the day’s vile intrusions

And my troubled mind’s delusions.

In now swoops the hummingbird

In wonder, my heart says not a word

As she aloft and hovering

Alights a bush most flowering

And all at once darts away

To unknown resting place to stay

And with her does my doubt depart

And something deeper did she impart

For ‘neath arching hemlocks my soul finds rest,

My stirrings stop, my worries cease.

While waters rush to quickening boil

And weary feet beneath me toil

My spirit tarries ‘tween frond and fen

On the shores of sweet Tahquamenon.

The Maker’s call I hear anew

Where beneath my feet tannic waters brew,

Abiding always, I understand,

Where’re do His children stand.

Yet here, oh here, I perceive it clear

That voice once so achingly near;

That voice that often slips away

In the tumult of the world’s sway.

Alone beneath the cedar stand

On bracken floors in northern lands

The peace of Christ again descends

As placid as the river bends.

When my footsteps take me far

Where the sky is veiled and no star

Dares to shine, foreboding dread

And I lie sleepless on my bed

I’ll trust not the works of fickle men

Nor the poets hoary pen;

I’ll ponder not dark possibilities

Or resign myself to eccentricities

But seek Him while He may be found

On holy land; on hallowed ground.

I’ll dream of days and miles long gone

And glories of Tahquamenon.

Halls of Stone

These canyon walls forsaking dawn

The shadows cast growing long

Time-wrought halls of callous stone

Bear their scars of white-washed bone.

These reckless days; this roving heart.

The pebble is cast

Into depths unknown.

This fragile faith; a fleeting thing

Born of shallow pools and teeming things.

Such tenuous cords of air and earth

Daring dreams of second birth.

Deep in night the baser things

Prowling round longing to devour.

The beasts laid low in hovels still

Tarrying now in shelters unseen

Trembling at the kraven host,

Who, in roving, ever seek

To corrupt;

To consume;

To know no peace.

Daylight yields the great flowering

Blossoms wrought by unseen hands;

Fruit, by strokes of gilded brush

Burgeoning and lush.

Such flash of life under gauzy rays

Bespeak the power of a greater gaze.

Upon frigid stone are deep letters hewn

Made flesh by winds that whip and whirl;

Souls made flesh by will not rote

By Spirit’s whim their futures’ sealed

Above the ebbing obedience;

The rise and falls,

Sometimes tortuous displays

Of blessings in fragility.

In drought or torrent;

Life or death

The sinuous strands run fast and deep

Beneath the earth’s temporal crust

Hidden now

Yet ever still remain

Ever still remain.

Drawing Back the Curtains on Anxiety

The cats woke me up ravenously meowing for food as if they’d never been fed. The cats always wake me up, just about four am every day. I don’t bother putting my glasses on before shuffling downstairs to the kitchen because I know that I can do without and because I know that if I can actually see, I’ll have a harder time falling back asleep for my last two hours of rest. I placate the beasts and am just pulling the single sheet back over my body when I realize that the center of my head is a knot of pain. When I had gone to bed the night before there was just the slightest inkling of foreboding and now that inkling has exploded into full blown realization.  Normally, when I encounter a headache, the way I cope with it is to relax myself as I were going to sleep, as if I could just lose consciousness. Now however, I am only filled with pain. My skin is sweaty. I worry that my forehead is warm. Can I take medication this early in the morning? On an empty stomach? What will its results be? Am I just going to vomit the medication right back up?

The ocean waves that I listen to get to sleep are still droning away from my tablet but they bring no comfort behind the wall of panic. In the darkness my sleep-addled brain plays out a dozen sickening scenarios none of which lasting long enough to stand up to reason but potent enough to cause me to start shifting my body spasmodically as if finding comfort in the friction. My breath comes out in frantic spurts even though I am aware that I need to be taking deep breathes. I mutter to myself phrases like “I should be able to handle this” and once or twice beat my fists into my thighs out of frustration because I know that this is not simply a headache but rather anxiety causing my body to writhe and rave. I know it and still I struggle. My lips form themselves into a pained pucker and I feel the unwelcome twinge at the back of my cheeks. I gasp, as much as to prevent myself from vomiting as it to fill my lungs. I feel the water with which I washed down the pills vividly in my stomach. Though my wife lies next to me I am alone in the darkness, yet I still want to escape, to run away, as far as I can go.

There is no reason.

There is no pursuit of facts.

Oh, there is part of my mind that knows the truth:

-          This is just a small headache

-          The AC was out at work last night and I didn’t drink much water.

-          The headache is likely simply from a lack of water.

-          The darkness of the room makes my mind focus on the fear.

-          If I just turned on the light or put on my glasses and breathed deeply the anxiety and nausea would pass in time.

-          Headache medication doesn’t care if you’re asleep or awake.

All of it is like a voice calling out on a distant seashore overshadowed by the agitated waves.

None of this is new.

I know all the methods and techniques and yet every once and a while, often in the dark of night, the surge of anxiety blinds me to reason and prayer.

If I’m honest, as a Christian I am doubly troubled. I know the joy and healing that comes through Christ. I know that that healing doesn’t guarantee a life free from trouble but that joy and help will be found in the midst of a broken and fallen world. The joy is that in the midst of our suffering Christ meets us. I know that the New Testament authors said that we should cast our cares on the Lord and that we should be anxious in nothing but make our requests known to God. Yet in the suffocating darkness, none of it seems intelligible. Only darkness, fear, pain, and yes, shame, shame in knowing the proper methods and the Truth of Scripture but not being able to grasp and apply them.

At the same time, I cannot simply chalk it up to calling it a ‘sickness’ as if I have no role in its appearance or longevity. To do so simply abdicates my own responsibility in battling it and ultimately seeks to paint myself as the pitiful victim in the throes of anxiety. That pity might bring shallow comfort but it is not ultimately helpful.

There’s a level at which anxiety will always be something that happens to me AND something that I contribute to and perpetuate. A lesson that I learned long ago (yet still struggle to appropriate) is that through the power of Christ and through proper techniques I can control the length of such attacks. That is my responsibility. Anxiety is not a banner to be waved to elicit pity from others but, like everything else, it is an opportunity for Christ to be glorified.

So we strive and struggle.

We struggle to apply what we’ve learned.

We struggle to look past the darkness (both literal and figurative).

We breathe the best we are able.

Please understand that I don’t write this to draw pity but to accomplish three things:

1.       Acknowledge that Christians struggle with anxiety (even if we don’t talk about it)

2.       Encourage myself and others to persist in the battle and to seek the Spirit of God in the midst of the fight.

3.       Help others understand what their friends or family might be going through.

Philippians 1:27-28

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.

Philippians 1:27-28

As Paul continues to exhort the Philippian Christians he urges them to remain firm in the faith in spite of his absence. In the early days of the New Testament, churches were planted when itinerant preachers such as Paul and the other disciples would visit a city, preach in the synagogues and squares and gather a community of believers. They would stay for a time and (often prompted by persecution) depart. These young communities of faith would then be left in the care of leaders usually from the local congregation. The planting missionary obviously had a huge amount of clout and respect in the eyes of the church. In our days in which pastors remain with churches for a long period of time we are apt to miss the increased importance that Paul’s words would have on the Philippian Christians. Here he commends them to live a life worthy of the gospel whether he ever comes back or not. Paul did not want their faith to be dependent on whether he was able to help direct it. He wanted their faith to stand on its own.

Interestingly, the word used here for ‘life’ is politeuomai, a word that is usually used in regards to civil participation, or being a citizen of the state. The most interesting usage (per Thayer’s Greek Lexicon) includes implications to “conduct one’s self as pledged to some law of life.” To this group of new believers Paul exhorts that they should continue to commit their lives to the new law of life that they have found in Christ.

This call to live a worthy life does not negate in any way the truth that we are, ever and always, saved by grace or that we can somehow repay the debt paid by Christ on our behalf. That grace, administered at the moment of our salvation justifies us solely on the merits of Christ regardless of the level of holiness we achieve or do not achieve. Rather, the call to holy living is the natural result of a Spirit-infused life. It is entirely right to call believers to holy living since we have already been given the means to do so!

On a practical level, the call to holy living serves to focus our minds toward a singular aim. For the older or more experienced Christian (I do not say mature) it is becomes undeniably easy to fall into a pattern of dull repetition that can, if left unchecked grow into apathy, or, at worst, something closer to moral therapeutic deism or practical atheism. In the midst of mortgages, jobs, house payments, or rearing children it becomes easy to lose one’s focus. Paul instead reminds the Philippian Christians (and us) that our allegiance is to the kingdom of God above and before the demands of our particular cultural institutions.

Specifically, Paul highlights four individual areas for the church to focus its holiness efforts:

Standing firm with one spirit … with one mind.

The first manner of living a worthy life Paul emphasizes is that the church should be standing firm with one spirit. As we will see later, one of Paul’s main themes in his letter to the Philippians is unity within the church. He first points to it here as an opportunity to fulfill the calling Christ places on our life. Here, he hints at that unity by exhorting the believers to persevere together. The distinction between words used for the spirit and the mind here used are nuanced and slight. Suffice to say, Paul encourages the believers to be united after a single cause; to view themselves not as independent entities but as members of a larger whole.

We need this truth today. Too often even the faithful view church attendance as optional or at best obligatory. We have many excuses for such a mindset, among them being time commitments, past hurts, misunderstandings, and feeling like we don’t fit in. All of these issue forth from an understanding about church involvement that is faulty. A church does not exist to fulfill some missing need of ours. It does not exist even as a duty to perform. Rather, the New Testament treats involvement with a local community of believers as the normal state of the Christian. It isn’t something we do; it’s something that we are. It would be akin to a single piece of a 5000 piece puzzle deciding that it would rather be alone. It is not simply inefficient; it is not what the piece was designed for. We were designed to exist in a community of believers. We need to view ourselves as members of a large community.

Striving side by side

The call to strive side by side elaborates on the mindset we should have as a community as well as giving the community a drive and focus. The image of a community standing side by side united is a powerful one. Even as we live in a world that is growing both more connected electronically and disconnected physically, the impact of such a phrase is telling. We feel strong when we stand side by side. We feel united. There is a power of physical proximity that Paul is alluding to here. Our purpose and our community should be such that our understanding and commitment to one another brings the same sense of unity that we would have if we were standing arm in arm.

Beyond this understanding, the inclusion of the word ‘striving’ implies that we are focused not just in abstract belief statements but also in practice. Striving implies work.

For the faith of the gospel

The translation of this word as ‘faith’ makes understanding this aspect of Paul’s command a bit muddled as we often have a tendency to use ‘faith’ and ‘gospel’ interchangeably in conversation. In this context the word ‘faith’ means the conviction or the truth in the gospel. Essentially, Paul is saying that they are to strive together for the conviction of salvation through the death and resurrection of Christ. The unity that the church experiences is not one akin to a social club or Masonic lodge. The unity of the church is rooted in the fact of personal inclusion in the body of Christ AND a united effort in the gospel. The implications here are twofold:

-         The church is united as they strive for personal and communal purity.

-         The church is united as they strive to spread the good news of Christ to all.

I believe this explains what we our striving should be for. As a community we should be striving for personal holiness. Practically, this occurs through corporate worship, teaching, prayer, accountability, and fellowship (though that’s a pretty loaded word that deserves being unpacked as well).

At the same time, the church should also be united in the way it seeks to witness to the change in its own members’ lives and preach the hope of salvation in Christ to the unbelieving world.

In short, the unity of the church is not to be a feel-goody sense of friendship but rather a united corporate drive toward personal holiness and the expansion of the gospel.

And not freighted in anything by your opponents

We cannot read the words of Paul here without understanding the implications of being a believer in Jesus during this time. Upon arriving in the city of Philippi, Paul preached the gospel and cast out a demon which prompted the local authorities to beat both he and Silas and place them in prison. Even after a miraculous earthquake and subsequent conversion of the jailer, the authorities, not knowing exactly what to do with them, still had them beaten once again.

There was a cloud hanging over the formation of these new Jesus-follower communities either from the secular authorities or the Jewish leaders (and sometimes both). Paul, of course, knew this well as he had at one time focused his personal efforts at rooting out the new Christians prior to his conversion. Now, this community, founded by Paul, was left alone without their commanding founder in a world actively opposed to their existence. Into this Paul tells them not to be afraid of their opponents. These are difficult words indeed. They felt the immense personal cost of their decision to follow Christ.

Do we?

Nothing unites like adversity. This adage has rung true throughout history. As believers though, the thing that unites us should be Christ, not fear. There has been over time (and especially in recent years) a tendency of the church to circle the wagons when faced with adversity. As we have seen, Christians are called to community, but it is not to be out of fear. If we are honest with ourselves as a Church, we have used fear of the world to gather new believers and inspire personal holiness. This is a classic case of good goal but wrong execution. Instead of focusing on our call as a church to unite and celebrate the power of God, we have instead used fear to motivate us.  The examples over even the last fifty years are endless: rock music is the devil and will come for your kids, television is evil, movies are evil, legislators are out to get us, this group or that group is out to get us. Make no mistake, it may be that these statements are TRUE but the motivation for personal holiness should not be fear of some thing or some group of people. The Philippian Christians WERE opposed by people who wanted to beat and kill them. This is a fact. They had a reasonable claim to be afraid of the surrounding culture. Yet Paul tells them NOT to be frightened by their opponents.

He goes on to elaborate: “not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.”

Paul says that the lack of fear in their opponents, and by implication, trust in God, will be a visible sign to nonbelievers that the salvation that they believe is REAL. If we do not fear, even persecution is a witness to the truth of the gospel.

It is difficult not to fear [as someone who suffers from anxiety, I know this too well] but we need to make sure no decision is prompted by fear. Should we be seeking personal purity in the face of an idolatrous and unbelieving world? Absolutely. Should we be doing it because we are afraid of the world might do to us? Never. Should we form strong bonds within our own churches? Absolutely. Should we be doing it because we are afraid of our neighbors or the culture surrounding us? Never.

If there has been one word that has defined and shaped the last twenty years it has been ‘terrorism’. It has been inescapable. The intent of terrorism is to inspire fear (and perhaps change) through violence and threats. Paul encourages the Philippians never to respond in fear but to let their resolve be a witness to the truth of the gospel. As we respond to terrorism both as a physical threat of violence and in the broader sense as a looming threat (in any arena) against the followers of Christ, Paul’s words should convince us that we should respond not in reactionary ways driven by fear but that our resolve in the truth of the good news (and in the ultimate impotence of the world’s attacks) should serve as a testament to the veracity of the gospel.

Philippians 1:9-11

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

Paul, as was his custom, begins his letter to the church in Philippi with an introduction that itself concludes with a prayer of benediction that conveys his concern for the church that he viewed as his own spiritual lineage. Here, Paul seems particularly concerned with the spiritual development of a people whom he considered “partakers with me of grace.” His prayer illustrates several things that we, too, need to be in prayer for.

First, Paul prays that they would abound in love. As we see throughout this letter, one of Paul’s main concerns for the church is that they would be united together in Christ. He begins to point to that theme here in his prayer as he prays that they would defined by love.

Secondly, he prays that they would have knowledge and discernment. The word used here for ‘discernment’ is aisthesis, which means:

1.      Perception, not only by the senses but by the intellect.

2.      Cognition, discernment – of moral discernment in ethical matters.

Paul fleshes out his intended definition in the context of the verse, ‘so that you may approve what is excellent.’ What Paul seems to be saying is that in the world in which the Philippian Christians lived there were an array of influencers, like a child surrounded by their toys on the floor, He prays that they would have the discernment to determine which things are better. This seems to relate to his comments to the Corinthians regarding the use of their liberty in Christ: “All things are lawful”, but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

The intent of this testing and discernment is that they would be able to select and approve what is excellent. The result of this approval process would be that they would become pure and blameless. Purity on the day of Christ Jesus is the end result of this process beginning with discernment. The intent of discernment is not judgement or condemnation of others but rather personal holiness in all areas of our life.

The Flight from Legalism

There has been, over the course of time, a shift in the way that Christians, especially American Christians, regard the way that faith interacts with culture. Most mainline denominations in this country began with a starkly legalistic bent. The Puritans and early Methodists were good examples of this trend. There was a definite intention about separating oneself from the surrounding culture. Indeed, this was seen as an admirable aim. Over the last fifty years however, under the larger scope of post-modernism, there has been a general movement to distrust organizational structures. The church, of course, became one of the biggest victims of this thinking. Many, driven no longer by the social constrains of church involvement, simply gave up church attendance. With church attendance no longer existing as a status symbol (at least in most places) people simply lived out what they truly believed--- and that was not in Christ and His Church.

Within the walls of the church, among those who do follow Christ, there has also been a push back against empty pharisaical legalism. Even in my own lifetime there has been a strong emphasis on the personal aspect of being a follower of Christ. No longer would it be acceptable for a church to issue a list of rules especially when it came to personal conduct or engaging with culture. The Christian came to rely less upon the organizational structure of the church to pilot their faith and more on the Bible and personal experience. To be sure, there is certainly good to be found in passionate engagement and personal study rather than empty rule keeping but we must also consider what the results of this shift have been.

In our flight from legalism we have rejected some of the precepts that shaped those rules. The desire to be seen as different and separate from the surrounding culture has largely been lost. It seems now that the aim is to show non-believers that we are really ‘just like them’ but with Christ added. Perhaps this robs the Christian life of some of the power and the appeal it once had. We have abandoned apologetics and committed ourselves simply to apology. In truth, our lives differ very little from the surrounding unbelieving culture. As we turned from passionless rules have we opened the door instead for sin and apathy? These are questions that we must ask. We must ask them if we intend to fully serve Christ to the best of our ability until the day of Christ Jesus.

Having rightly rejected dead legalism, where are we to turn in our pursuit of Christian holiness? I believe the answer lies with the discernment that Paul prayed for the Philippians.

Discernment is the ability to test everything to determine if it is excellent. Remember, our salvation and righteousness is no longer bound to rule keeping as the Jews were to the Law. Instead, our righteousness comes from being identified with Christ in his life, death, and resurrection. Therefore we are creatures of grace. Our position is secure not because of our behaviors (thank the Lord!) but because of Jesus’ obedience.

Yet we are still called to obedience. John writes, “And by this we know that we have come to known him, if we keep his commandments.” Obedience, then, is not optional but the natural product of a Spirit-filled life. While the work of sanctification is ultimately accomplished by the Spirit, we, of course, bear the work of living out the disciplines we have been empowered to apply.

So we seek discernment so that we might be able to approve the things we want to appropriate and expose ourselves to and to reject what is not constructive. It is easy to focus on the media aspect of this since we have, over time, been exposed to an increasing amount of sources historically from newspapers to radio to television to the internet. As the mass of potential influencers has increased so should our pursuit of discernment. We cannot simply accept what is put in front of our eyes and ears. As Paul also wrote to the Romans, we cannot have our minds renewed and transformed if we have conformed to the thinking that is not of the Kingdom. This testing is a sign of maturity not only in our mental development but also in our spiritual development. Discernment allows us to avoid falling into the trap of legalism as well as blindly opening ourselves up to depravity and things that are not beneficial.

Make no mistake though, discernment is never easy. That is why Paul prayed for it to be given to the Philippians. It is much easier to simply accept that which surrounds us. Discernment is always the ‘extra step.’ It would be far easier to blindly consume seemingly benign experiences and media. Legalism asks: “is this permissible?” Discernment goes a step beyond and asks, “Is this beneficial?”

So what are we to do? If we don’t want to return again to the temptation of legalism what steps can we take to embrace discernment?

1.      Exposure to Scripture – this is the first and most obvious way we can incorporate discernment into our lives. We cannot know what is beneficial if we do not know what things the Lord intends to fill our lives with. The Bible is the Lord’s word to us. It is what He wants us to know. To ignore it as we attempt to please Him would be like saying that we want to talk to our friend but ignoring the fact that he was sitting in the room with us. Simply put, we cannot know what is beneficial unless we know the Word.

2.      Active engagement – Given the amount of potential influencers we encounter on a daily basis, it is impossible to discern the beneficial from the worthless without actively examining them. This takes work. It requires active listening and viewing. It also requires us to be objectively observing both the influencer and the way our hearts engage with it. This level of honesty is often painful, as we come to acknowledge the level of sin which resides still in our lives and are driven back, again and again, to the feet of Jesus in repentance.

3.      Personal Prayer – Personal prayer is really part of active engagement for as we engage and examine the influencers we are presented with we bring them before the Lord and ask Him to show us the values and dangers of each.

4.      Communal life – Finally, we have all found that we are led astray much easier when we are isolated from other Christians. Not only do we lack the positive examples, we are also much more likely to make compromised moral judgements and blindly accept whatever is presented before us (Netflix binging anyone?). By surrounding ourselves with other believers as much as we are able (beginning with Sunday worship) we put ourselves into an environment with others who are fervently seeking after personal holiness and service. In that culture we are more naturally going to see the values and flaws of potential influencers. To be sure, discernment is ultimately something that occurs within the individual for something that might prove harmless to one might prove detrimental to another, but the value of mutual edification, encouragement, and positive role modeling is something that cannot be neglected for the believer who truly wants to emulate the manner of their Lord.

You Bid Me Walk

With trembling hands, I fall

in the arms of grace

You bid me rise.

In unworthiness, I have fled

but with confidence

You bid me come.

All my feeble offerings

so stained and wanting

You have yet received.

With the world at my back

and grace on my feet

You bid me walk.

With erring heart to You submitted

in faltering steps

You bid me love.

With full assurance

found alone in Christ

You bid me go.